Howdy ya’ll. And by Ya’ll I mean me and maybe my best friend. Since we are probably the only two people who might be reading this or have any possible interest in this. So what is this? This is my attempt to preserve in written form my impressions of what happens in the 2006 football season. It was inspired by the fact that I vaguely remember that there was some important way that Bill Parcells screwed up the NY Giants game last year, but it was so long ago that I don’t particularly remember what. So I wanted to keep down my thoughts, primarily on the Cowboys, but also on the football season in general.

So with that out of the way, let me explain that tonight is it. The game all coaches hate, the game that those who have already had their fantasy football drafts cringe at, the 4th preseason game, the final warmup. But enough hyperbole. On to the game: The Minnesota Vikings @ The Dallas Cowboys.

Well coming into the game, the big news so far has been T.O. Owens. He didn’t show up for practice, bad hammy. The showdown was on with Parcells. Then Jerry got involved saying if he was healthy he should play even if he didn’t practice. Now there was a 3-way showdown. So having pushed the limits, T.O. Owens finally comes back to practice and suits up for the Final Warmup.

6:49 Before the game starts, the pre-game show is on sparing us to death. On the way to comercial, they have a loving shot of the Cowboys’ cheerleaders. My 5 yr old son is happy saying he likes the girls. When I ask him why he came back with the fantastic response, “Because they have things!” he says gesturing at his chest. I’m sure he’s referring to their costumes.

7:05 Kickoff. Tyson Thompson gets a good return on the kickoff, but Sam Hurd comits the first holding penalty of the night.

7:06 The starters take the field. Guess who’s not there. If you guessed Sam Hurd you missed the point. T.O. Owens does not start, but Jerry has assured us that he will play tonight.

7:41 T.O. Owens enters the game. The crowd gets…noisy. There are some boos but it’s not immediately clear if they are for T.O. Owens or because they trot out 3 straight running plays.

7:46 Six plays later still no throw to T.O. Owens

7:47 Busted play, Drew responds by throwing an interception. The good news: T.O. Owens doesn’t start yelling until at least the cameras are off. Series over and no play for The Player.

8:00 T.O. Owens catches his first pass as a Cowboy…from Tony Romo. Apparently Bledsoe is getting a sobriety test on the sidelines.

8:26 Second half kick-off. Yes that was Chris Chris the overly arrogant kicker doing the kick-off. It was…less than great. Came down around the 12 and then Chris Chris made the tackle.

8:48 Aaron Glenn takes on 350 pound Anthony Guerrera in a straight up fight. Glenn looked like a 5 year old taking on a teenager. He’s more than a head shorter and gives up easily 100 pounds but he was shoving him around like he meant to start a WWE rumble. Gotta give him props for guts, but if he keeps that up we may need to keep extra help in the secondary for when Glenn gets crushed like a bug

8:50 The “chocolate” phone commercial comes on…again. In case you were wondering the song is Strict Machine by Goldfrapp and is available on the Miami Vice Album

9:30 What…the…hell. With 17 seconds left in the preseason, our estemeed head dumb@$$ elects to kick an extra point after scoring a TD thus tying the game. This leads inevitably to the ultimate kick to the crotch that is overtime in a preseason game. This is not only the dumbest decision ever in Bill Parcell’s career, in the Dallas Cowboys’ history, but in the entire history of the NFL. And that includes decisions by Marty Mornhinweg. This is a horrible decision even if no one gets injured during overtime. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

9:43 I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed failure so much. Vanderjagt just pushed the winning field goal wide right!!! Who would have thought he was capable of that? OH WAIT EVERYONE WHO SAW HIS LAST KICK IN INDY!!! It may be preseason, but the pressure was too much for him. He choked, just like he always will. A great picture just came on the screen, T.O. Owens is standing right next to Chris Chris and is talking to him. I would sell my firstborn to hear what that conversation sounds like.

9:54 The “Chocolate” commercial led me on a search for the song. This led me to the discovery that the Miami Vice CD has a lot of good songs. The rest of this too long game is being done to the sound of a Miami Vice Soundtrack.

9:56 The camera just gave us a long loving look at the crotch of player #14 for the Cowboys. Turns out to be a WR named Austin Miles and I think he is happy to be here.

10:06 Here we are again. 42 seconds left in OT and the Cowboys are facing 3rd and 11 from about the Vikings 15. Romo has been trying to get Sam Hurd a TD pass but it hasn’t been working. Romo hands off to some guy named Kincaide in order to center everything up for Chris Chirs.

10:08 Vandy trots out. The pressure is on. It’s up…IT’S WIDE RIGHT AGAIN!!! Even I who think Vandy is a choke waiting to happen can’t believe this. The Vikings give up and the game ends in a tie. This is the most pathetic ending to a game ever. Parcells blew it at the end of regulation and Vanderjagt blew two easy field goals. The announcers claim that all this will be forgotten in 10 days when the regular season starts, but I’m not too sure about that. This is something that is going to haunt this team all year. Contreversy with T.O. Owens, stupid coaching decisions and Vanderjagt choking with the pressure on. The only difference is that if this were 5-6 games later we would have had more screaming from T.O. Owens. It’s gonna be a great year.